The Fool's card is a symbol of the beginning of something. He represents Joy in discovery, starting a Journey, Beginnings, Hope. He doesn't know all the bad things that can happen on his journey, because he's only beginning. The suit of Swords represents intellect. The Two of Swords, with a blindfolded woman holding two crossed swords before her, tells me I am blocking some knowledge, that there is or has been recently some knowledge I don’t want to face. The suits of Cups represents emotions. The 3 of Cups is an image of joy, self-indulgence, community, friends. Its reversed meaning is that the energy it represents is low in my life, and needs a shot in the arm.
My personal Tarot story of the day, then, reads that my Fool energy has been blocked by intellectual denial, and the solution is to get out and indulge myself a bit. It fits. I am a logical and intellectual thinker, and tend to leave emotions behind when dealing with problems. I need to stoke some emotional fires, get out with friends, get a manicure today.
Meantime, I will noodle with intellectually analyzing Joy.
Yoga stretches this morning were a hit of Joy: the happiness of rising early (early for me, that is), waking muscles, and facing the sunrise while two cats try to share the yoga mat. I am by no means an early riser, since way back in my misspent youth on a dirt farm. Back then, I’d wake up with the sun coming in the window (note on the sun: this was southern Illinois, not southeast Michigan) and just naturally roll out of bed to go outside. The whole world was calling, and there was nothing between me and it. Nothing like: near neighbors, TV, internet, schedules, obligations. I always knew that there was something out there waiting for me. The Thing Waiting might have been a snake in the yard. Or one of the dogs waiting with wagging tail. Or deer in the field, or a jet flying overhead. Lots of things that made me happy.
With passing years, different expectations of Joy were shaped by the expanding universe. A biological drive for Home and Family required the acquisition of joy-boggling traits, like competitive sexuality, Keeping Up with Neighbors, Searching the Jigsaw of Life for my puzzle piece, etc. I’m sure many people face these things with joy and confidence, but it created a long-term panic in me which has only recently begun to settle. I reflect back on my paternal grandmother, who spent half of her life in a psychiatric institution between the 30's and 50's; back then, women with depression had the best scenario option of being put in such a place. Grandma Callie had 7 boys in a row, and lost 2 before the oldest was 11. I commemorate Callie by acknowledging that some of my panic could be inherited. Fertility can be a burden (Disclaimer: fertility was never a burden to me, kids).
Fortunately, one of the skills honed with ageing is a type of joy called Living in the Moment. I’ve outlived a lot of people I’ve known, but doubt that I will top out the longevity herd in my age group. Recognizing that every dawn means one less of my numbered days leads to appreciating what is in front of me. It’s not a bad or scary feeling. It’s pragmatic and comforting, really. I claim what is in my possession, and don’t reach so far for what is not.
My mom is a good example of LIM joy. Ever since memory began, at least for me, Mom has been a consumer of chocolate. An avid and single-minded consumer of chocolate. Any kind of chocolate. She actually used to hide various manifestations of chocolate where none of her five kids could find it, which is a nefarious breach of trust between mother and child. But sometimes when we were slaving away, putting away dishes, we’d find her stash, and she’d share—with finders, only. At 89, her chocolate drive hasn’t diminished one whit. Her favorite saying: I’m going to eat my dessert first, because I might not make it through the meal. And she does eat it first. And it’s chocolate. Just watch this tiny matriarch load her plate at Reid’s Best Western Buffet dessert bar: brownies, chocolate ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, pie, chocolate pudding can all fit on one plate, as she has demonstrated time after time. I can only hope I inherited her sugar-and-calorie-tolerance. Thus she casts to the wind all of our childhood training to eat dinner and THEN we could have dessert. She does this without any concerns about hypocrisy, the effect on her children of her whimsical philosophy reversals, or her general blood sugar level. She has no guilt, knowing that if she drops on the spot, she had her fun first, the rest of us be damned.
I try to be like her.
Ah, the many faces of Joy. Joys I Have Been Intimate With: many small things. Not to forget the Joy of Noodling. I have been a lifetime Noodler, capable of wandering from task to distraction to loss of purpose in a heartbeat, in most any setting. And forget not the Joy of Buying Pretty Things. I harsh this joy a lot these days, in lieu of Taking Up the Cross of Non Acquisition. BPT is a borderline addiction kind of joy, like staying at the bar for more than two modestly sized beers. And pulling winter debris from the garden to find the miracle of tiny little green things that survived the death of winter—whether bulbs or weeds—is certainly a Joy. Watching my 2 1/2 month granddaughter work through gas is a joy. Shes in great working order.
My response to my Tarot reading will encompass my known Joy resources, and some not yet known. The nice thing about my meditation is that it made me aware of noticing the Joy, that is everywhere and in me. I'm noodling with that right now.
Note: the title "You are What You Do and if You Don't Then You Ain't" is from Paulette Carlson, classic country western diva. I can't find that song on Youtube, but here's another one of her great classic country hits, with the group Highway 101: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W29U3I9jXi8 Honestly, I think she influenced Sheryl Crow in her gin-soaked numbers.
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